the smedley log - suburban scrawl

AJS: still waiting for a cure

AJS—it’s unheard of by most Americans, yet it affects so many. It’s a condition almost as mysterious as the factors that trigger it. Any day now I expect to begin seeing ads for the latest AJS remedy from Pfizer or Eli Lilly.

So What is AJS? Well, it’s quite scary, so be forewarned—you might consider sending the children out of the room for a minute or two.

AJS (Abstract Jackpot Syndrome) is the condition that occurs when levels of lottery-induced money lust reach sufficient mass to induce even the most anti-lottery folks to stand in long lines to buy their ticket for the big drawing. But AJS affects more than just those who are driven to purchase the tickets. Among its secondary victims are those behind the counter or those waiting to buy coffee, gas or even a newspaper in the non-lotto line.

Ask those with primary AJS symptoms why they’re losing precious minutes of their lives in line at the local 7-11, and you might hear a response like, “When the jackpot hits 100 million, I have to buy at least one ticket.”

Ask them a week later, after the big jackpot has been awarded, why they’re not buying a ticket—you’ll probably hear something like, “For 30 million? Are you kidding me?”

As if most people have any realistic concept of how either dollar amount would affect their lives differently. And if you’re thinking the reaction quote from the last paragraph sounds outlandish, it’s a direct quote from someone I spoke with earlier today. Why do people say things like that? Is it that 100 million would make them any happier or is 30 mil just not quite enough to get by on? Maybe I’m missing something on this one.

I will confess, during one of the recent Powerball swoons a couple months back, I also fell victim to symptoms of AJS. I’m in remission now, but for many more, relapse remains a legitimate fear. For them, I only hope the good people at America’s drug companies find a cure. Until then, all we have are prayers, for them and everyone whose life is altered by their affliction.

Apparently I suffer from this disorder and didn’t even realize it. Imagine that.

Here’s my take on it. Generally, I view the lottery as a waste of money. I buy instant lottery tickets occasionally , but I don’t like feeling tied to a money spending (most likely money wasting) opportunity, so I only play it when the amount gets really large.

$30 million would be way more than enough money for me to pay off my house, my friend’s houses, school loans, set up their kid’s college educations and make sure I never have to work again, but I also don’t want to be sucked into spending an extra $2 per week for the rest of my life.

I mean, that would cut into the $10 a week I spend on coffee!

How do you like that logic?

That’s the really sad thing about this disease—most people never know they have it.

Actually, I buy maybe a half a lottery ticket a year (evened out over the course of my adult life). Generally, I just don’t bother, but on a couple occasions I’ve just decided to throw a buck in and if I win, well then it must have been meant to be. If not, well, it’s only a buck, and averaged out according to my purchasing frequency, it amounts to much less than a cup of coffee a year, so…

But my point really was, if I was the type to buy a ticket, I’d be just as likely to buy it when the jackpot’s a paltry ten million dollars as when it’s, say a billion…

When I read “AJS” I kept on trying to figure out what it stood for (the scientist in me likes to annoyme like that). When I read the rest of the post my coffee nearly returned through my nose…

I’ve bought two tickets in my entire life; both ‘cause close friends kept on being annoying about me taking part of the “pooled tickets” I guess I see myself as being very “unlucky” in games of chance…and since there is a higher chance of me being run over or struck by lightning I really don’t think i’ll be alive if i ever do get the chance to win the lottery.

…well, if the Lotto people do have one milliion to spare i’ll take it!

Howard, I understood your point exactly, not entirely sure if you understood mine. My situation, I think, illustrates the admittedly loopy thinking patterns of a person who only plays the lottery when it’s at a ridiculously high amount.

But at least now you know what we’re thinking, as nonsensical as it may be.