the smedley log - suburban scrawl

Nurture

If a child sees his parents day in and day out behaving with self-discipline, restraint, dignity and a capacity to order their own lives, then the child will come to feel in the deepest fibers of his being that this is the way to live. If a child sees his parents day in and day out living without self-restraint or self-discipline, then he will come in the deepest fibers of being to believe that that is the way to live.
-M. Scott Peck

I remember about four years ago attending the baptism of a good friend’s first child. I wrote a message in the card I gave to her and her husband; it was somewhere along the lines of the quote above. Having grown up in a home that wasn’t always the child-rearing ideal, I know that good strong people can come from even less than ideal situations, but I still think the best chance a child has lies in seeing consistent examples of healthy behavior from his or her parents. It’s one of the reasons I questioned whether or not I’d make a good Godfather. After all, part of the role of being a Godparent, if taken seriously, is to provide a good example.

My heart’s always been in the right place, but my head (as Bono once lyricized) is sometimes “somewhere in between.” My life is a struggle for consistency, but I’m still struggling, so I won’t signal defeat yet. In contrast, my sister and brother-in-law, who chose me as a Godparent to their children, are among the very best parents I’ve ever seen in action. So are the friends whose child’s baptism I attended four years ago. I hope, if I should ever have a child of my own, that I’ll have even a modicum of the strength I see in people like them.

And this is my convoluted way of wishing the same to all the other parents out there, whether you’re dealing with the sleepless nights of new parenthood, or a different variety of sleepless nights sometimes caused by children of older ages. I have a few specific parents floating in and out of my mind as I type this, but even if you’re a total stranger reading this, take the wish as if it were just for you. If you’re a parent, you’re by far the best chance your child has at growing up right.

Best wishes.

This was a beautiful post and deserves a comment…

Even the most devout person’s life is a struggle for consistency… assuming by consistency you mean an application of force in the right direction. And it is the struggle, far more than it is any particular achievement, that is the primary indicator of devotion. Do not for a second doubt that parents who are among even the very best struggle to consistently respond positively to the grace of God.

But thank you for the very kind words!

Well, thank you as well—and you’re welcome.

I am the father of a fifteen month old. I came to your blog about parenting quite randomly. I want you to know it is exactly what my mind needed. It spoke directly to a very current insecurity I am having about being a father. I have taken some encouragement from it. I am blown away that I came across it when I did. Thank you for posting it.

That’s pretty cool, Kevin. I’m glad you found it.

Amazing post; keep it up!