the smedley log - suburban scrawl

Sometimes you just need a mirror…

I don’t suppose I’m alone when it comes to focusing on the problems of other people to avoid focusing on my own problems. I guess we all do it, but I’ve always seen myself as more self-critical than not. So when I’m practicing this hypocritical little aversion technique, it usually escapes my notice.

Maybe that’s because I’ve always had to spend a lot more energy steering away from self-criticism than toward it. Or maybe I’m just like everybody else; maybe there are just some things in life I don’t like to deal with. Hence I cordon them off in a remote corner of my mind, and I look for distractions to help me forget they exist.

Whatever the case, I recently found myself so immersed in examining (even explaining) another person’s behavior that I wasn’t seeing the relevance of my conclusions to my life. But after being shaken from that woeful practice of amateur therapy, the applicability of my findings to my own situation was instantly obvious.

It had me wondering, “How often do I completely miss this?” [Read more →]

poor excuse

seeing others’ faults
is so much easier than
self-diagnosis.

New kid on the block

This morning we officially introduced Ron Burkhardt as the newest member of the Philly Future team.

Ron is not only a lifelong Greater Philadelphian, but also offers some special skills and insight into social networking (which, if you didn’t already know, is pretty much what Philly Future’s all about). We’re all quite pleased to have him on board.

breaking fasts

hungry me waiting
for mcdonalds to open.
sweet egg mcmuffin…

reserved

friends are locked outside
while strangers have their way, and
you don’t seem to mind.

away

my escape hatch closed;
crash the gates so I can go
anywhere but here.

Fugitive confessions

“Tell me your deep dark secret,
and I will tell you mine.
Is that your deep dark secret?
Oh well, never mind…”

As I post this entry from places unknown, about events unknown, my mind is under a blizzard of thoughts. I quietly observed a couple private anniversaries over the past few days, the combination of which was a little more than draining.

Just when I thought I couldn’t take the weight of it any more, I reached out to a friend – not for deep understanding or expert analysis, but for comfort and slight distraction. The friend I turned to wasn’t quite available, so I had to try to find an alternate route, but not before I spilled half of everything that was on my mind.

The problem with sharing your darkness with someone else is if they don’t meet you halfway, you’re suddenly more vulnerable than before you opened your mouth. At which point you just have to hope you won’t be left hanging. Because you can’t recapture the words, much less restore the mental energy it took to spring them loose.

(The rest of this entry is a lyric from an old Vigilantes of Love song from which this post’s opening quote is taken.) [Read more →]

well, like spring at least…

a low of 15
makes a high of 46
feel just like summer.

ambi-social

solitary me.
thought it was what I wanted.
maybe I’ll go out.

Friday random ten
(you’re so nineteen-ninety)

• Extraordinary Girl – Bill Mallonee
• River on Fire – Adam Again
• Deep End – 77’s
• Manic Depression (live) – King’s X
• New Slang – The Shins
• Earth and Sun and Moon – Midnight Oil
• Shoe Box – Barenaked Ladies
• Breakerfall – Pearl Jam
• One Last “Woo-Hoo” for the Pullman – Sufjan Stevens
• Until I Fall Away – Gin Blossoms

Favorite: River on Fire (sad songs always get me, especially when they’re about polluted waterways)
Least: Breakerfall (never got into the whole Binaural thing, much less this song)
Shortest: One Last “Woo-Hoo!” for the Pullman (6 seconds)
Most likely to karaoke: Until I Fall Away

I see it in your eyes; you need more, much more:
Andrea
Autumn
Ben
Ellen
Fred
Jessica

A rubber bullet for healthcare gap

The Rascal King has asked Philly area bloggers to voice responses on the President’s most recent State of the Union Address. The responses being sought are not for broad policy or ideological critiques, but rather for reactions to specific points of the address. My response has been percolating ever since about two minutes into the speech (though I didn’t get to hear it live, so my response time is a bit slow).

Upon hearing Mr. Bush’s plan to bridge the healthcare gap, I initially thought, “That’s great! You mean he’s going to give me a tax exemption for having health coverage?”

Not so fast. [Read more →]

sotu (draft 2)

when presidents speak,
ovations abound for such
superficial words.

sotu

balancing acts (not
budgets) are the parlor tricks
of politicians.

corrosive solution

given all the pain,
does it feel better when you
have someone to blame?

monday’s apology

lacking energy
to form this pithy poem,
I beg your pardon.

All kids on the inside

Having written about model trains a week ago, I was especially looking forward to yesterday’s featured leisure activity: a visit to Northlandz in Flemington, New Jersey.

I was part of a small group, consisting of two adults and three kids – though it’s probably safe to say we all felt like kids for most of the time it took to wind our way through the tour. And it did take some time.

With over eight miles of track, Northlandz bills itself as the world’s largest model railroad (a claim I have little reason to doubt). But it wasn’t until we reached the sign telling us we were only 25% done the tour (after more than a half-hour) that the enormity of it hit me. Even more impressive, though, was the fact that I felt not even a tinge of boredom at that realization.

The tunnels, bridges and landscapes were wonderfully detailed, and the tour was literally multi-level, giving visitors the opportunity to see the canyons, mountainsides, valleys and rivers from a variety of angles. Not everyone in our little group was a train enthusiast, but we were all dazzled by the exhibit. For anyone who’s never been to Northlandz, if you find yourself with an opportunity to go, take it – then take your time and enjoy the scenery.

For what it’s worth, even if you can’t make it out to Northlandz, I’ve posted a new Flickr set for the occasion. Please feel free to check out some of the sights we saw.

composite

all you have been paves
the path to discovering
who you’ll be someday.

23

a wintry wind whips
the wispy woman while she
walks by the water.

Friday random ten
(as happy as couple #3)

• Superman – Five for Fighting
• Pray Your Gods – Toad the Wet Sprocket
• One Step Closer – U2
• Sooner or Later (Soren’s Song) – Switchfoot
• She Still Loves Him – Jellyfish
• Everything in 2’s – Better than Ezra
• Natural Blues – Moby
• This Business is Goin’ Down – The Lost Dogs
• Go Down Easy – Over the Rhine
• History Will Teach Us Nothing – Sting

Favorite tune: “Everything in 2’s”
This week’s YouTube find: “She Still Loves Him” (a cover, but a pretty good one)
Makes me miss when Sting was still cool (well, kind of): “History Will Teach Us Nothing”
Favorite lyrical quatrain:
“Well, I sure do wish we had a couple of kids;
now wouldn’t that be cool?
You’d show Suzy how to run her future old man down.
I’d teach Bobby how to drop out of school”

Be what you come here for:
Autumn
Ben
Brian
Chris
Ellen
Jessica

bizarro winter

when L.A. has snow,
and Philly only flurries,
something is amiss.